The Vagaries of a Love Marriage!
Hand in hand forever?
My mother used to always say that ‘someone somewhere is made for each one of us’. All we need to do is find that perfect partner. Sometimes we find our perfect partner at college, office or even at a friend’s wedding. Once we find the person, love blossoms and we have what is called a ‘Love Marriage’. For the rest of us, our perfect partners come to us via matrimonial sites, relatives and neighborhood aunties and we have what is called an ‘Arranged Marriage’.
Throughout my teenage years, I remember praying for only one thing- I want to have a Love Marriage! The idea of spending your life with a stranger was something I could not fathom, even though my parents had an arranged marriage.
Years passed, and God finally answered my prayers! I met my perfect partner while doing my masters. Things couldn’t have been better! We completed our studies, got jobs and immediately got married!
We both were over the moon as we got what we wanted- a Love Marriage! But reality hit soon after and we realized, that Love marriages, even though great, have their own set of issues.
Expectations vs Reality
Below is my take on Love Marriage– what we expect after marriage and what we actually get!
Expectation: You can be boyfriend/girlfriend for the rest of your life!
Reality: Once married, people usually cease to behave like boyfriends or girlfriends. Going on a date usually means, ordering in food and eating it in front of the TV! The flowers are replaced with grocery bags. The compliments become scarce. This is not because the partners love each other less. It’s because the need to constantly please each other is no longer there. This happens when a feeling of comfort, security, and togetherness sinks in.
Expectation: You’ll live for each other and it will be just the two of you in your love abode!
Reality: After marriage, a new set of relationships develop– mother-in-law, sister-in-law, father-in-law etc. And each relationship needs your due attention and love. Ignoring even one relationship usually leads to several arguments which normally end with “I married you against my parents’ wishes. Guess, they were right”! Ouch! Always remember that you don’t marry a person, you marry into a family. Respect each other’s family and your new relations.
Expectation: Spouse will be as charming and intriguing as during courtship
Reality: When we date, we try and be at our best- the best clothes, the best behavior. Once we get married, we get to see the ‘not-so-charming’ sides of each other. We discover irritating habits, weird food preferences and a lot more. Pretty soon, the gorgeous spouse turns into a lazy body who doesn’t take bath on Sundays! These are all human flaws. When we marry and accept someone, we do so with all of his or her weakness and flaws.
Inconsistencies are inevitable
Expectation: We’ll always have something to talk to each other
Reality: While dating, we speak to each other over the phone, message frequently and discuss our daily lives. We do this as we normally don’t stay together. After a while, as the married couple gets comfortable with each other, having nothing to say is pretty common. It’s not bad, it only means that the couple is happy just being together. You don’t always need to talk to understand each other.
Is Love Everlasting?
Expectation: Our love is everlasting!
Reality: Most of us fail to understand that love is just an emotion. An emotion that we feel at various stages of our life. The intensity of our love keeps increasing or decreasing with time. A few years into the marriage and love evolves into companionship and trust. The best marriages are those where the couples are not just lovers but friends! So, there might be times in the marriage that you feel that love has flown out of the window. But even then, remember that your companionship and friendship remains.
So, these are few of the expectations that I have tried to bust about Love Marriage. These are normal emotions which everyone goes through. Marriage is a beautiful institution- no matter whether it is Love or Arranged! Every marriage has its own set of complexities. It’s the partners who decide how they want to live their married life!
